Hobby's and Stuffs- home made skin care.

So in the spirit of the whole "hobbies" thing. I figure I'd elaborate on what and why I changed things.

You see when I was working I bought my skin care and had a routine. This routine required me to bed over my sink for about 30 min while I lotion-ed and potion-ed my face. Usually I would use makeup remover, face wash, scrub if necessary, cleanse my pores, and then apply moisturizer and go to bed. All of this required me to stand in front of the mirror while I scrubbed and rubbed everything.

With my injury this is something that I had to stop doing. There was a while that my face just went to hell because all it got was an appricot scrub in the shower and water morning, noon, and night. Really- it was neglected because you dont want to know how much I have had to scale my showers down to (the answer is a 50% or more reduction in frequency because it hurts to stand in the shower and take off and put on clothes)

So I needed to get a new system. My old system was pretty good- kept most of the zits away. I come from a long line of people with very big porous skin and really bad backne. So being in my late 20's I resign to having "eh" skin for life unless I wanted to spend big bucks on peals or something. Maybe when I hit 30?

Moisture is something I really took for granted for a long time. And then I started to get fine lines. I know I'm going to need to get more aggressive with those here soon- but for now I'll try to go after it with moister.

When you have acne, one of the causes of zits, pimples or other blemishes is bacteria. I have two boys- they L.O.V.E to touch  my face. I mean, touch it- feet, hands, head banging touching.

So moisture and bacteria fighting were my biggest challenges. I got onto pinterest and found a post about only using coconut oil here.

And golly- it has really helped my skin. It is very nerving to put oil on my face because I have such oily skin, but in one of my other posts I mentioned Jacklyn Hill and she made an offhanded comment about not trying to dry your skin out to much because it will produce more oil- when I started putting the coconut oil on my skin it really helped that.

I had the oil sitting around the house because we used it on my Big for a while because he had rash issues- NO I did not use his but oil, but we had other in the house for cooking and such.

Well that was my gateway drug into essential oils which I will talk about those later.

So I use the method mentioned before- I just put the oil on my face and then wipe it off with a hot as I can stand wet cloth. I can lay down, sit down, do other things while I just let it sit on my face (I may have my oil plastered face while I'm writing this!) and it really has helped my pores and skin balance out. Its almost as if for me, my skin takes what it needs from the oil and the hot cloth takes it all away.

To give an idea of how effective this was for me- like the other girl I tried my old routine (with drugs and wine tyvm) and I could squeeze my pores on my nose (a trouble spot) and get shit tons of.. well.. shit out of my pores. I did the coconut oil and could squeeze very little out, not even enough to say it couldn't have been moisture from my hands.  (other side of my nose, both are equally as bad so I had tons of shitty pores to work with.) So I'd call that a win.

I also found Silver Powder from Mario Badescu which again, I apply, do my thing and then take it off. After I've cleaned the hell out of my face, I use that and it shuts my pores pretty tight which helps.

So my routine went to standing over the sink for 30 min to:
Go to Mirror, Open jar, put oil all over face, rub in a little bit to ensure full coverage.
Lay in bed set timer for 10 min
Use hot cloth to blot off oil.
Put on moisturizer.
DONE.

Just as long, no standing required. I'm a genius I tell you!

I've handed some essential oil's to my face wash- to be honest I forget which ones. I can probably find a pinned post somewhere- but I want to adjust it to find something I "love" before I share. However I guess in the end that doesn't matter because everyone's skin is different... Hmm..

Treatment Plans

The first time I saw this new doctor, I was excited and nervous. The appointment started out pretty awful but ended on a hopeful note.

In case I neglected this: The current doctors thoughts is that it is inflammation and because of that inflammation I need pain management and then hopefully we can do other things to help it heal with out going under the knife.

Well we got my pain managed. Better than it was, still not 100% and I don't know if I'm growing a tolerance to my medication or what, but at first my pain was at a 2, now I'm up to a 4. Still better than the 7/8 I was at, but I'm concerned.

My doctor wanted to do injections.

Now I'm not opposed to them- because they can be helpful. Its typically a outpatient procedure and people have benefited from it. But I want to avoid them- in fact if the only purpose that it serves is to knock my pain down so we can treat the inflammation via PT- then right now is the time to do PT.

I don't think he is right the more I go along. But I'll play along for now. I think its a waste of time (we are hopping down a bunny trail) But I don't know if I'll go for injections- to me there are other less invasive ways to do the same thing.

Hobbies and Stuff.

Given the loads of time that I have had since hurting my back, I have developed new hobbies.

Before I got hurt I/we did not have much time for hobbies. Sure I played some WoW before The Little was born. Minecraft is always fun and exciting. Other than that the only real things we did was go on hikes and walks.

When Big was just over a year old I bought a jogging stroller. I had just been moved to a location closer to my home so I knew we would have more time (or thought- depends on how you look at that). Anyway- so MH and I would go for lots and lots of walks with Big for miles and miles. There was this super flat trail at home that we would walk 5 miles one way, eat a packed lunch and then walk back.

When I got pregnant with Little (Big was about 18 months) we did this about once a week on weekends and shorter walks between me getting home from work and Husband going to. I had a condition with both pregnancies that I could not continue this after birth. However, that was our thing. The summer after Little was born we bought a double jogger that has been largely unused because of my injury.

So what do you do when you were a super active person and now all of a sudden you're a potato?

Biggest thing for me is keeping my brain busy.

So I plot and plan for life after injury. What will I pick up that is new? what can I do with my kids? Vacations, etc. You Tube video's tend to take up some of my time- I've been watching a lot of Jacklyn Hill, and other artists. I've figured out how to make Almond Milk for the big- since he is allergic to milk. I've taken up essential oils, and making my own scrubs and rubs for my aches and pains. I read ALOT about my injury and perspective treatments. Doctor who, Sherlock, and of course facebook.

Some of this stuff I have mentioned before. I have projects that I want Husband to build so I can paint. I want to go out to used furniture stores and find furniture to re-do. I want to just go running.

Now I know some people have never been active runners before. I was, before kids. Then work ate my soul and that stopped. I miss it so much, and I need it right now and I just want to go for a run, just have some quiet time for me. There is not much for trails and hiking where we are now- but I do miss hiking with my kiddo's. I miss the packed lunches and just spending time together- It weird how this stole that time from us. I'm sitting here almost 8 months post injury, the doctor has high hopes for my treatment and my goal is the 1 year mark. Let this be the year that I wasted and not anymore I want to get back to life!

Hope Crushed

(This is a good moment to point out not all of these blogs are posted in order)

as you know from my last post I was filled with hope.

My hope has been crushed.

Today- I wanted to get to the "hippy dippy" store and pick up some essential oils to help my pain. (150$ laaaater), Big needed new shoes, We decided despite my back we will pitch a tent. This summer all our trips have family involved so there is support and we shelled out of a better bed for me and my back.

I was all hopefully. Almost a full week with my back in the 2/3 levels of pain maximum. We were going to get shit done.

I woke up with the wind in my sails. I was all- I've rested enough! Lets get shit done!
I'm going to bed with- Fuck me and my life and the world.

For start- I made it farther than 20 feet before I had pain. I made it 100 yards? we were picking out tents when it started. I was able to do the store- finish what we needed to do before I needed to sit. That was awesome. We went to the 2nd hand store to pick up a few extra things for our impending trip and then hit up my hippy dippy store. By the time I got into the car- I needed my husband to drive around not only for the nap but my back. I did make it through target and the mall (had to get my ring inspected)

I got the things we needed to get.

My list is complete.

My back is still much better than it usually is. However I fear it is just the pain medication.. not my back healing. The hope of no going under the knife is fading. How will bracing help if extended rest doesnt help? How will reducing the inflamation help if the rest doesnt let it reduce?

I just dont get it.. Why isnt my body listening to me. Heal!

Not much more to say on the matter.. I just feel sunk.

HOPE!

I'm not here to watch a political ad for Obama. Promise.

So after ages of waiting I finally got into see a doctor. It was scary at first- I got a drug test (woot) and we talked about my pain and my life since getting hurt.

Here is where bedside manor really helps. I honestly felt like I got pep talked that we can kick ass on this pain.

The thought is that everything is all just inflamed and if we treat that everything will be peeeeeechy! No cutting, no surgery, easy peasy back to normal. Few weeks and I will be 100%


When you start down the road of pain your thoughts go from this.

Oh, outch. I think I over did it.
Holy balls- I think I pulled a muscle.
No I did not pull a muscle.
Hi there physical therapy- that feels nice- and kind owwie but I'll be ok.
Huh- PT is over with.. why isnt it gone?
Time for a second opinion.. wait wait wait...
Second x-ray consistent...
Lets do a MRI..
Wait it out.. wait it out..
I'm still waiting.. is this ever going to end?
Waiting is so much "fun", I like to wait for everyone.... Life is hopeless..
Wait, wait, wait in a boat.. gently down Niagara Falls!
FUCK THIS SHIT- I'm done waiting. I need to see someone now.
someone help me...
OK, I'm never getting better, everyone has forgotten me..
Life is hopeless- husband get a new wife I'll just go die in a hole.
Oh look! appointment.. weeks away....
Oh look.. I've been in bed since I found out about said appointment.. I want to jump off a bridge. nobody can help me...
You nurses are insensitive ass holes...
Oh look, the doctor- he's an ass too.
DOCTOR BE MY BFF- YOU WILL HEAL MEEEEEE!!!

Well I'm still free falling off the "eeeeeeeee"

New drugs that have effectively targeted the pain..
A plan. A PLAN! and it doesnt include the phrase "you're fat, loose weight and you'll be fine"
and hope.

Hope is so medicinal. It makes all the other problems tolerable.

Hope is today.
Hope means this wont be forever.
Tomorrow is one day closer to being better.
Today builds for tomorrow.
A few more moments till its over.

Marriaging Through Pain

Is Marriaging a word?

If not I'm making one. It is the art or act of trudging through life with another soul who you made vows.

For Better or for worse? Check that.
For Ricer or Poorer- Done.
In sickness and in health- to quote scooby doo- rut roh.
Till death do us part. Whose death? his or mine.

I would say there are 5 stages of "sickness and in health" for the wife.

Oh you have a cold.
Oh, your poor toe that you slammed into that chair that has been in that same spot for 6 months and you hit it at least twice a day.
Here- take these oxycodone the doctor gave you for extracting that wisdom tooth..
Honey- will you take care of the kids and house while I lie here wishing for death? Oh wait.. thats not going to happen.


I'm in stage 5.

First night my husband was amazeballs. Yes I said it- amazeballs. He was so nice, he carted my ass to the hospital- breast pump and all. Sat with me while the lady missed my veins 3 times and then my mom volunteered to do it. Happily sat in the Walgreen's parking lot waiting for my prescription to be filled. And Joyfully worked at 4:30 am with out a wink of sleep- and 16 or so hours under his belt for the previous day.

Pretty much let me sit in a pain fulled, drug induced, hallucinogenic state in my bed dreaming about garden gnomes eating my toes. (Yeah, that was exciting)

He was supportive of my ending breast feeding because of the drugs, he was supportive of my boredom when I didn't really leave the house except for physical therapy for 3 weeks. Within a month and a half happily dumped me off on his parents to see me 2.5 months later.

Well.,. 2.5 months later I'm crying uncle in Marriaging. Its like a 5k triathlon that you haven't prepped for your entire life because you are Jaba the Hutt and your spouse is Princess Leah. Yes. I went there.

So here you are. Jaba- and your husband is Leah. And all those aliens in the party? That is life. Life is drinking and dancing and here you are slimy tongue hanging out watching with your chained up pretty.

My husband is Princess Leah Sucks of Balls.

My husband struggles with our kids. In fact he worked with me for a time because he couldn't care for both of them at the same time. He sucks at house cleaning (says the mold in my toilet and the pee smell from the other bathroom) and well.. I'm Anal Jaba the Hut and he is not as anal as me.

So when we read our vow's- it should have been "In Sickness and in 'if you dont fill my shoes I'll kill you'"

Honestly- lets give him a round of applause. I know I'm being a bit fanatical. But seriously- for a more flattering picture- Doctor who- I am Amy, he is Rory, Big and Little are the Doctor and River. You are welcome. Not a fan of the short skirts but if you're constipated Moffat will clear that right up.

I honestly feel like I'm about the throw my husband into that pit that the dancer gets tossed into (back to Starwars here!) Marriaging through pain is tough. I don't think I'll touch on this later- but I've switched medications and its treating my pain better. However now I have a doctor telling me what I can and cant do- and this includes the fact that I cant do much. In fact- in the last week I have kept my daily steps under 3K and I went out today to the mall with my husband and kids (first day out in 5 days) and I'm in pain. However its not as bad.

So really my husband now has a heap of responsibility put on him that if our lives were functioning normally, they would not be there. I could deal with the kids and my husband could be... my husband and not Me and Him.

Really. I set the bar high. Dishes done at night. Floors picked up. Kids clean and dressed for bed and for play. Diapers changed, bottoms wiped. Really- if you are a full time stay at home mom you're all "what is he bitching about" but honestly some people are just not cut out for it. My husband is one.

Sometimes (lets be serious here for a moment) I do truly worry if we will make it through this. Husband has admitted that he has a hard time imagining my pain- what its like to wake up feeling like you've been mauled by a bear and that pain not go away. Narcotics only make you feel fuzzy so you dont take them. Your brain power is 1/2 on kids, and the last 1/2 is basically consumed by your pain.

Literally. Go grab a knife out of your kitchen, stab yourself and just leave the blade in there. Every time you blink- poke it nice and hard. THAT is my life. I honestly would wish this on no one.

But here we sit- better medication- better controlled pain (after running errands all morning my pain is tops a 5! this is down from bawling in bed at night!) and my husband and I have probably reached the toughest part of our marriage. Is pain the cause? Yes and No.

If you have been married a long time you know your relationship has problems (even if it is as minor as Han's jealousy of Luke) and pain is like a huge wedge that takes the crack in your marriage and busts it wide open. I really cant say if we will survive this- or even then that worry in the back of my mind "he cant honor the sickness clause now, when I'm 20- how is he going to do it in 60 years?" and that is a god awful feeling. I cant get sick again.

I really have no good way to end this. I dont think I could make a joke about what has happened. My husband and I do the best we can, but at the end of the treatment will it be enough?

Hell (you truly don't know till you cry.)

I think "Hell" sums up this week.

First, I was sent off to my mother in laws because my wonderful family left me! So off I go- back into un-childproofed realms. Then someone close to my in-laws passed away, that night to get us away we went to DQ and then to a park to let the boys run around. They really really like parks.

Then comes the end of the day. We are all getting snug in our beds- I on my phone my husband watching TV with the in-laws when our Big pukes all over the bed. Oh Great. Here I sit thinking we had a stomach virus when in all reality its probably food poisoning. You see- my Little had a vomiting episode a few days earlier. However, the Little also popped in some new teeth.


So we get everyone cleaned up, put a bowl by the bed and I get to hardly sleep all night because every sigh and I'm wide away afraid he's going to puke again. My Big was so pathetic- literally I dont think he was awake for most of it. When morning comes he doesn't feel well but has stopped throwing up, he also has no appetite.

Well that's when I get a stomach ache. Any parent knows when your kid gets sick- you're basically guaranteed a go at it too. I manage to only just have the stomach ache because I didn't eat anything. by 5 pm the Husband has the stomach ache- and by 9pm/10 he's bowing to the porcelain god too.

I was determined by hell or high water to be home Friday evening. So, I piled everyone in the car and drove as fast as I could home. Myself still with decreased appetite, Husband was feeling better and the kids were just cranky. Well, lo and behold everyone (minus the little) has had "intestinal distress" for days now. At going on a week we gave the Little some Pedialite and little did we know- you should not give the advance care to milk sensitive kids. So more vomit for us (yay!)

On top of the intestinal distress, my little came down with a cold and shared with his brother. So here I sit. 1 am, waiting for my husband to make the Big some nuggets (because he was not hungry for dinner and did not eat his lunch) Coughing like no other. There is no sleep for the wicked.

When Jimmy called me because the Little was vomiting I just about cried. A week of vomit and poop. A week of egg gas and farting and just god awful smells of this probable food poisoning. Today, I'm at my wits end. Both kids are clingy and crabby and I can only take so much before I'm literally going insane. Lucky for us it was just a side effect of us trying to hydrate the kids, but still.

I'm over colds.
I'm over poop.
I'm over vomit.
I'm over clingy kids.

O.V.E.R.

Things I Have Missed Today.

Today it came in the mail.

I heard the knock on the door.

They put it together.

I listen as they try to contain his excitement.

They threw away the box.

He did not help, he wanted to stay with his new thing.

My Big smiled.

I can hear him smile from my bed- with my new bed table.

"yaaaaaaaay" he cheers

My heart begins to break.

"I want it, I want it" he cries happily.

I can close my eyes and see the joy and excitement on his face.

They take him outside.

I can hear them now out the window.

They help him, they teach him.

I just missed my son on his very first bike. Thomas the Train bike.

I will never get this moment back.

I sit here, in my bed, missing this moment.

I cry into my tissue.

Things I Do In My "Spare" Time - Tough as Nails.

I have a lot of time on my hands these days. I mean what else am I going to do sitting in bed all day on pillows trying not to move. I pinterest, blog (of course), facebook, read the news, research treatments for my spine, research non-doctor office types of helps for my spine, watch youtube video's and chat with my friends.

So today- despite being in excruciating amounts of pain, I went out with my kids. My Big was really fussy and clingy and really just wanted me around. So I sucked it up- popped a prescription strength painkiller and went. Someone else ran into Ulta to return the Sally Hanson gel nail polish that I got- it sucked, blew, was awful, would not harden no matter what I did.
I read a blog where they said to keep your nails in sunlight and it would help- 30 min of sunlight for nothing. They were STILL soft 2 hours later.

So I went home, filed down the acrylic's put some nail glue down on my nails (to flatten the surface) and then painted my nails. I just used what I had available. I used to get acrylics and fills when I lived here before. With all the pain I'm in I either hurt to much on the days I have someone to take me (yeah, I dont drive unless I have to anymore) or the day's I'm feeling good- I have nobody to take me.

Such is life.

So I'm going to try an experiment with this new product I got- its called Hoofers Choice- its used by horse trainers to strengthen and condition horses hooves. It supposedly helps to nourish cuticles and nails.

I figure, for the last two months my nails have been falling to bits- might as well try. I'm going to use the nail cream on my left hand only and watch the results. I'll post updates in the future.

Mommy Down

I remember the days when I could be independent. I could rear my kids and do projects all in the same day. Cleaning a 2000 sq foot house was nothing. Dishes, laundry, sweeping and catch with my Big and Little.

Now?

I'm in bed- watching an episode of Dr Who by myself while my kids are out with others. I was up last night because my Little vomited in bed 5 times last night and he needed a hug. I got on the floor to hug him and the pain was so intense that I got that cold feeling and felt so sick. I went to the bathroom and composed myself and went back to bed.

I've kind of been here ever since. Emotionally I feel defeated. 6 months ago I could hold my Little. I could crouch down and hug my Big. I could be a wife to my husband and I could manage the kids. Now.. now I'm a potato. I cant do anything. I can sit still propped up by pillows. I feel like my entire 26th year of life is a waste.

I am blessed to have done so much and had the life experiences I had in college and beyond. I have done and dealt with a lot. I know I need to stay positive that I will walk again. But some days in my inability to do things I just want to die. This is (of course) a secondary effect to long term pain. Many who suffer with long term pain succumb to feelings of hopelessness and depression. I mean- being in the middle of it, God knows its easy. My entire life has been full of activity and challenges this is just one of them.

So sitting here I set lofty goals for myself. I need to make it to my appointment next week.
In 1 year (next spring) I want to be pain free. And begin walking again.
in 18 months I want to begin running.
in 2 years I want to do a marathon or something of the like.
in 3 years (2018) I want to be back to my pre pregnancy weight, I want to be ready to start trying for our next child.

I want this moment- this challenge in my life to be a blip. A small part of my story. Something that I gloss over in conversation with people. Something that is not what my life is all about.

I will be able to pick up my kids some day. I will be able to walk, and run some day. I wont be confined to this bed forever.

Milk

Back over the winter my little got a rash. He was 10 months old. the rash continued for about a month. I never thought of his milk intake until I moved him away from my mother in law. My thoughts were he had sensitive skin, or maybe a yeast infection (both issues I had with his brother)

But soon after cutting out milk and milk based formula (both he had yet to have problems with his entire life) and pure milk, his bottom healed. So then I reintroduced one cup of cows milk- and not even 24 hours later... it was back!

Now I want to take a side note I went to see a local pediatrician where I live now and he was all "its basically impossible for a kid to develop a allergy that fast" and then I called my pedi from my old home- a pedi that I trust unconditionally- and the PA said that "its rare, but it can happen" I just want to throw this out there that I guess there are some pediatricians who think that you can consume breast milk with milk proteins and then drink milk based formula and can never develop a milk allergy.

That being said that as a child I also had a milk allergy- it went away my mid teens. I'd get super sick drinking milk and thus would vomit or have a stomach ache. I drank goats milk as a kid (my mom had goats so it was an easy supply) and never had a problem. We gave my little goats milk and we have the same rash.


So. I was couponing to try and save money- because you know.. I guess now I have time for that. So now I have to reevaluate our money saving tasks. The thing that gets me beyond the couponing is the fact that I really want to get my kids away from the chemicals we use. Its like my ultimate goal. So I've been looking into ways to cut costs that are a bit more "natural" and Little friendly.

So far we have started making our own baking mixes. You would not believe how much stuff has milk in it. So we will be making our own "cream of" whatever soups, muffin mix, pancake mix, etc. Anything we can substitute cow milk for almond milk we will. If we cant than we just wont have it in the house- to reduce confusion.

My husband has had a bit of mourning for the Littles milk allergy, but I think he will be ok.

Tick This Off My List

Hello- I'm 26.5 years old and use a grabber stick.

I promise I'm not lazy, I've been trouble shooting this problem for a long time. However the pain won this battle of my mobility.

Sure, I could blame it on being short, but that's not the problem. I am rather short... and why yes it is handy for those things. Reaching tall things hurts just as much as bending down to pick things up off the floor.

I've been avoiding this purchase because I feel like this is something I need when I'm 60/70 years old. Not 26. I knew the time was coming when I dropped my cellphone on the floor in the car and actually cried at the thought of picking it up. I knew the day that I stopped actively lifting my little- it was coming. I knew the days were numbered when I realized I cant be alone with the kids anymore.

The plus side to this is I have learned the things that grabbers can, and cant pick up. It can pick up my Dr Who books easily. My Natural healing book... not so much! It can do toys, but bits of paper need the vacuum (Which my mom broke today, sigh!)

It hurts to drop it on my toes. It is least useful on my dresser or armorer and is used most when on my end stand. CD's are rough to try and pick up, same for DVD's- my Little has this fascination with un-stacking and throwing these things on the floor. Meanwhile my big likes to run off with it, so often its on my armorer.

Laundry was a breeze because someone brought me the laundry basket and I used my grabbers to pick up the clothes. I folded the small stuff and could use it to pile things up. I had to have help with our queen sheets- but that's ok.

Really- its not so bad. I at least have this tool for when I DO get old- and I will. I will eventually have this problem fixed and it will go away. I will get better and I wont use this forever.

And at least I didn't have to buy Depends.