Hope Crushed

(This is a good moment to point out not all of these blogs are posted in order)

as you know from my last post I was filled with hope.

My hope has been crushed.

Today- I wanted to get to the "hippy dippy" store and pick up some essential oils to help my pain. (150$ laaaater), Big needed new shoes, We decided despite my back we will pitch a tent. This summer all our trips have family involved so there is support and we shelled out of a better bed for me and my back.

I was all hopefully. Almost a full week with my back in the 2/3 levels of pain maximum. We were going to get shit done.

I woke up with the wind in my sails. I was all- I've rested enough! Lets get shit done!
I'm going to bed with- Fuck me and my life and the world.

For start- I made it farther than 20 feet before I had pain. I made it 100 yards? we were picking out tents when it started. I was able to do the store- finish what we needed to do before I needed to sit. That was awesome. We went to the 2nd hand store to pick up a few extra things for our impending trip and then hit up my hippy dippy store. By the time I got into the car- I needed my husband to drive around not only for the nap but my back. I did make it through target and the mall (had to get my ring inspected)

I got the things we needed to get.

My list is complete.

My back is still much better than it usually is. However I fear it is just the pain medication.. not my back healing. The hope of no going under the knife is fading. How will bracing help if extended rest doesnt help? How will reducing the inflamation help if the rest doesnt let it reduce?

I just dont get it.. Why isnt my body listening to me. Heal!

Not much more to say on the matter.. I just feel sunk.