Failure, Family, and Hope

You have to understand me. I am stubborn and fiercely independent. Even when I broke my arm in high school I let my mom wash my hair once- after that I learned how to do it all myself. I have a hard time asking for help.

So it comes to this.

My husband has been working out of town with my in laws. Because I can hardly care for the boys we all went down as a family and my in laws have (for the most part) enjoyed the boys. I've had help and they live on a fenced farm so the kids can free rein while I watch from a chair on the porch or a recliner by the window.

I assume my Husbands dad thinks I'm full of shit about my pain. He starts (in a huff) helping clean up from supper as my mother in law sweeps from where the boys were eating. I don't help with the cooking or clean up. For the past few days I have been going straight to bed after dinner and the Husband has been doing bedtime. I get up if my Big needs a few rounds of Three Blind Mice or a kiss but that's about it. After supper I'm sometimes just that done. In his huff of throwing stuff away that my husband put in the wrong spot he asks me if I "want to help clean some  of this shit up"

My mother in law (bless her) thought he was talking to her- no it was me. This is another episode of "understand the cripple" I was getting my son some bedtime milk and I ignored it- corrected her that he was talking to me and went straight to my husband and told him. My mother in law apologized to my husband and myself. I was not mad at her- I'm upset at him.

If I was less of a person I would have snapped back with "I would love to help- but I'm out of Spoons today"

I told my husband I wont be coming back this week. He wasn't suppose to be either- but my father in laws best and most reliable worker is seriously ill- my husband loves his step dad and that farm so he is going back. So I texted my mother and my old nanny (who is like a second mom to me) and asked if I paid for the ticket down would she come. And they are. in 4 days they will be here.

I'm pretty sure I've got some of the best family ever- they could probably take my boys to hooters and I would not care right now. Because they (unlike the father in law) have seen my images. They were there when I first got hurt. They also know I don't ask for help lightly.

Calvary is here.