Go Home, You're Disabled

 I recently asked a group of friends some advice. They knew my situation and I was trying to weigh a cost vs value of a tent VS camper. I cant set up a tent or camper. My husband would have to do it. However, its comfort.

My back will be killing me on an air mattress. Is the cost worth the value. Someone- an acquaintance we will call them said to me: "You're overlooking not going. Sounds like a terrible idea with medical costs coming up and your husband jobless." I called her out on it and she responded that " You asked for advice. If my husband and I weren't working, we wouldn't have money for a tent or camper. Sorry you're offended."

While my finances are nobody's business except mine, my husbands and our banks. But its the idea- Go home, you're broken, Don't come out, don't spend time with your kids or help them create memories. Don't participate in life. Sit at home and wait until you can get out of pain.

All I can think of is do we say this to pregnant women who have kids? You're pregnant- go home and don't come out until your baby is 6 months old. Do we say this to the elderly- you're to old to go out? Your Arthritis is to bad- don't go for a walk?

As a parent- in pain- I cant just stay home in bed. That would emotionally be bad for my kids. It would be bad for me. Already I want to hide in my closet at the thought of going out- it brings me so much anxiety. Questions arise- can I make this trip? how long can I last today before I want to curl up on the floor? Am I to young for the motorized cart?

Parenting is such a competition that when you are in constant pain you feel so bad for yourself as a parent and for your kids that they "lucked out" with you. Could my pain make them more empathetic? I'm not sure. How is it going to affect them? I dont know. I know already my little has a big attachment to his daddy. My husband and I are talking about enrolling him in daycare because I cant keep up. My oldest is always telling me to get up- to do something with him. I just dont know how to explain to a 3 year old- mommy wants to get up, mommy wants to help you go potty, mommy wants to dress you (so you match) and mommy wants to take you for a walk to the park or library so we can get some of your never ending energy out.

For now we just tell him mommy has a booboo in her back and she cant do something right now. And my husband does it for him. What happens later on? I wish so much there were more resources. more help for parents in my position. I want my kids to grow up mentally sound as well as feeling secure. I can handle the insecurities of adults trying to hand me my 28 lb little.

I try to deal with my disability in a dignified manner. But my children are not equipped and I need to equip them fast as I stumble into more pain- and more failures as a mother.